I beg for her to visit me in my dreams every night…i still have not found her. so yes, please, tell me if you find her..tell her to call home however she is able, tell her mom has been worried about her and to please check in..i cant find her, she has to find me..i do not know how these things work, if she even can send a message, see, feel fear or lonliness, feel relieved…i just dont know and am in no mood to buy someone’s line of bullshit like they know. who has been dead and can speak to this?..no one. i just want a message from my sad girl, cold girl, ash girl in a jar…your mama wants to find you and hold you forever, not just see you once, I just wanna be with you, and if it has to be in a dream I will take it, just come when i close my eyes out of exhaustion, come to me, sit on me, breathe beside me, haunt the house, anything, just let me BE with you…my hannah baby. miss u just so fucking much!
bryndl, what did she say to you in your dream, do you remember her words? i sleep every night seeking for her in a dream, wake everyday to the same day, it is groundhog day everyday to me, and i cannot dream..i feel hollow as the hours pass by me, someone told me it has been 3 weeks, i do not know how that is possible, it is the same day for me, over and over…i immerse myself in all things hannah, just to feel her, to find some piece of her..i have cried out daily as I hear the trains pass thru town blowing their warning whistles, morning and evening..how can i stay here, how is it that days are passing, and where on this planet exists anyplace i can run to escape the vacancy in my heart, there is no mend for this tear in my soul, no expectation of healing. please tell me if you see her again, i want to hear everything, everyone’s dreams. please.
thank you so much for giving hannah sweet days with you..
i put this thought up to the universe this everyday, it is all i want for her
I know how you feel, but please see the path of pain and destruction of lives you will leave in your path, I doubt Hannah ever envisioned the pain she would bring to those around her for the rest of My life for sure. I have rhought about this, not wanting to kill myself, but morre to run after her so she would not be alone/afraid/cold..I thought even if i went the exact same path she did, how do i know that i would end up in the exact same place she is now…we cant know. i understand the feeling of so overwhelmed by the bullhit of this world to not want to go on, but first off there are no guarantees you will go anyone else’s path, and end up on the same spiritual plane/dimension/place…i dont know how to understand these things and anyone who claims to is a liar cuz they are still breathing…nut i know we cannot know, and with that cones the fact that we have only one life to live/give/lose and the odds of guessing right are a crap shoot… how can we say we will go here or there, we know nothing and these things are out of our hands once we check out. Better to flow around the bullshit of this life and try to seek the things that are real, love, friends, heartfelt emotions of all forms & smiles & giggles, and tolerate the rest as just the cost of getting by, but know, this life isnt Just about getting by til youre dead, its about sucking the marrow out of life to the best degree each one can, and knowing pain surrounds us..I do not know what to say about death, but you only get one life, and my sweet child took hers before she had much of a start, she missed out on so much she would have loved, and she might have stuck around if her vision had been broader…do you understand that you only see the world from your 17 or whatever age you are perspective, so much happens between your age and mine, how can one possibly know it will all be hell, or where you go after the Event of your death, wherever that is, how do you know it is relief or happiness..again, a guess and a crap shoot. People love you and your life is worthwhile because God gave it to you, and He is supposed to take it back in His time, not on someone else’s call, even your own. Please come over if you are in the Salem area, lets talk, we could both benefit from having a cup of something yummy together..please say ok and contact me… seriously, this week, ok?
oh friend, I so know how you feel, I feel the same, how do we go on… if anyone has an idea, or a dream, i am standing by to hear…